The following is a campaign e-mail received from the Justin Trudeau campaign office earlier today:

Dear friends and supporters,

I’m writing to issue a correction for a grave error I have made. At a rally yesterday in Sudbury, a reporter asked me who my favourite Avenger is, and I gave the following response:

 

“I’m a bit of a comics geek, I think I like the core integrity of Captain America. I like the ingenuity of Tony Stark. But ultimately I think I might have to go with Hulk, just to mix it up a bit, because he wears his passions on the outside and he is someone who is… green.”

But I must now admit the truth is that my favourite Avenger is Wolverine, because he’s a proud Canadian, an excellent teacher at the X-Men’s mutant academy, and a mass murderer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, it’s true that due to competing copyright claims, Wolverine does not appear in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but he has been a core member of the Avengers in the Marvel Comics since 2004, where he has proved his mettle in combat alongside Captain America and Iron Man and has killed and maimed hundreds of people with the razor sharp knives that extend from his hands.

I have always had a special appreciation for Wolverine, due to his deep love of the Canadian wilderness and murder. Whether he is camping in Alberta’s Wood Buffalo National Park – one of Wolverine’s favourite places in the world – or extra-judicially executing hundreds of alleged terrorists in a HYDRA compound, Wolverine perfectly embodies all of the qualities that Canadians admire and are admired for around the world. And let’s face it: when this remorseless death machine who knows all forms of martial arts eviscerates his way through a compound of ninja terrorists, soldiers, or woodland animals, it’s just freakin’ cool.

The truth is, Wolverine and I share a lot in common, and not just because we were both engineered in a laboratory by the Pierre Trudeau government to protect Canada via unrelenting carnage.

In recent years, Wolverine has taken over as headmaster of the X-Men’s mutant academy, and just like I did when I worked as a drama teacher in Vancouver, Wolverine has embraced the responsibility that comes with being a mentor to young people, guiding them to be responsible, community-minded adult killing machines ready to decapitate a roomful of enemy henchmen whenever the need arises.

Wolverine wasn’t always accepted by the other Avengers. Other heroes would mock his hair, and in fact, at several points when they crossed paths, the stodgy old Captain America called Wolverine’s heroism into question, even saying that he was just not ready to be an Avenger.

But when a crisis struck and the Avengers were in disarray, Wolverine stepped up and has been the team’s most reliable assassin. In this analogy, the Avengers are Canada, Captain America is Stephen Harper, and I am the hero you call on when you need a compound full of ninjas dispatched with a maximum of bloodshed and a compelling internal monologue.

I want to thank you for giving me this opportunity to speak directly to you and clear this up. At the time, I didn’t think that Canadians would judge me on my first answer. Perhaps it was naïve. But perhaps the responsible thing to do in this time of politics of attack and division is to acknowledge the great Canadian hero who has saved the world multiple times alongside the other Avengers by ruthlessly slaughtering any opponent he perceives as a threat.

On October 19, remember to cast your ballot for someone who will not only fight for the middle class, but will disfigure and murder thousands and thousands of people for the middle class. Bon soir.

Sincerely,

Justin Trudeau
Leader, Liberal Party of Canada